Maybe it will

finally today, she is one of my reader in my blog, total of 5 friends of mine able to read my blog. I kept it from others because there's too many secret in my blog. This might be my last post for this month and this might changed after she read my blog. Today the event going to start at 6pm and it ends at 8pm after that everyone might have party after the music drama. Most importantly, i do hope that they will not order any alcohol or else I will really in deep trouble. Due to these days, I have things running up and down in my head, I afraid that I will spill out some secrets. mood swag, drink a little able to kill in me in instant.

However somehow I do hope that I'm drunk because i'm able to confess to her but its ridiculous . who would believe words that spoken from a person which is drunk. when a person is drunk, he can says whatever he wants but the things which spilled out, it's the truth behind. I thought that I wouldn't fall into relationship anymore, more like love a person anymore because of what happened the last time, it gave me so much pain. Now sitting beside her listen to the piano song I taught her. I feel very calm and more alive beside her. I always feel that i'll cheer up whenever she's there. Thinking what will happen after she read my blog, will she stop talking to me? Will she avoid me? I like her and that's the fact, I can't let her go and it's true. I fell into a deep pit which I'm unable to climb up and she is the one that lift me up unknowingly because she didn't know anything about what happened to me, I think. Nevertheless now she will know.

That day I had my talent competition, I played 'flower dance' because she likes it and its my favorite too. I entered final not because of the song but the feelings she gave me. Through out the piano play I was thinking of my ex , the pain she gave me and half way I thought of HER. The whole play changed , I asked some of my friends what did they hear from the song I played. One of them said she felt hope , a weak and fading hope and another one said sorrow. Why do i feel fading hope because of what my friend said, "don't hope too much but she supports me" ask me to add on and i did. i always do. They felt what I want to express, a journey which I went through these days. Hope that she was there that time to listen what I play because it was for her. The best way to understands me is when i play a piano officially or when i'm alone.

Today first time in my life, i have make up materials on my face, it looks weird on me but have to get use to it since I'm going to join lot events. Make up is kinda compulsory. Tears keep flowing out when they did something at my eyes. I look at her, she looks so cute and beautiful. Finally, I understand the feeling of a solid heart melt into a liquid form. I really fall for her. The final competition that will hold next week, I decided to play a medley. A medley that will tell her everything about me, what happened around me and what she is to me. Will she be there? if she's there, I wonder what she will feel from the play. I'm letting things go on own its on now, i do still chasing her but i must bear this in mind. love cannot be force, it would not bring happiness. Whether she likes me or not, at least she knows that there is someone that able to accept her weakness, wanted to be there for her, wanted to care for her, like her, love her and i really mean what i said. Though i study in a different block with her, i will still go to the block which is opposite her studied block to play the piano. I need to prepare for my final. I dont play for the price but i play for those that want to listen to my song and i hope that she is one of the audience.

~HBP