a lie behind the scene

(music playing~~~)*

i open my eyes and find where is the music from. It was my phone alarm, looking at the time, it was only 5:45am. I went back to sleep and things doesn't go smoothly, enter a dream which i never expected.

Honestly, these days, my ex kept appearing in my dreams. Each of the dreams, it does not make sense even though it's like something real but i just do not believe it. Since we already broke up so it is something impossible for her to do that and base on her personally, she would not do something like this. I do not believe in dreams. Some people even say that if the person appear in your dreams , it is because he/she is missing you. This clearly tells me that it's impossible. She never miss me.

Yesterday, i was chatting with my closest friend, she does not seem happy. Thus, i try to cheer her up, but i think i failed. what a failure..what else can i say. She replied me kinda cold too but i do understand why. Then why am i upset? maybe she reminds me of my ex the way how my ex replied my message. Even though the messages she replied to me is not as cold as my ex but it does affect me somehow. My closest friend did apologize for being cold to me but it was too late. I just cover up the whole truth and ask her to sleep. Next, I try to sleep with my pain , hopefully the next morning i will be alright.

next morning, the feeling gone worst. I feel pain in my chest which i dislike the most. what exactly happen to me? My body is getting weaker,why? It was so easy to type "=)" in the text but reality i'm not smiling at all. Asking myself, am i going to lose another friend which i trust the most again? It is the same feeling when i broke up with my ex. However, i need to make myself clear of one thing, i'm just a friend of hers, am not her boy friend or anything.

I have been thinking too much lately again and again. Brain keep thinking why, fake smile always on my face to cover up the truth. Sometimes, being too strong, people will never notice that you're actually facing troubles or upset. Should i say that? I do not like to show people my weakness but if they really want to know the truth, they can talk to me but i would not tell the exact story of it. Because i cannot afford to simply trust anyone anymore. I lose myself once and hopefully there's no second time. I covered up a lot these days, i wander when will i actually able to stop that. Telling people that i'm fine, i'm alright, but the truth, you guys have to find out whether isn't true.

~HPB