pass by or stay on

I started my degree and by counting the classes i attended, there are 6 assignments for me to complete and few presentation to perform. It's going to be a busy semester but I will do my best to score what i want in order for me to get a job out there. Broadcast, a course which i'm interested and i believe i will do better and improve in my career since i'm off from my pure science life. Different life surrounding and environment.

Thus, these were my days, first week in my degree life. Now, come to the main point of this post. Something happened to me, i found out that i will get jealous when i saw my dance partner was having fun with other boys. It is funny, why do i? because i like her? Jealousy is not a good thing but it happened. Friends that close to me, they seems to be able to know how do i look and what's in my mind when i'm in this situation. Honestly, did i cross the line?

I went for lunch with my two friends and told them about that incident. One of them said that it does not related to me, my dance partner is not my girl friend, it's just a friend of mine. Well said, it's truth but it still does not answer why do i feel jealous. First time, i got jealous because of this. I feel weird and another one told me that maybe i already cross the line. Recalled all the things i did, it's true that maybe i already cross the line. Before that i told my friends that i'm not chasing her but actually right now i can say i am. However, i did not chase her like how i did to my ex. It's just to ridiculous and crazy because that time i really take it seriously, end up everything just disappear like this. All the hard work i did, it's in vain. Why am i talking about my ex? back to the main point.

it's true that i'm chasing her and in a slow progress way but recently a friend of mine said that my actions are kind of obvious so i cut down what i did normally, for example, night wishes and asking what is she doing and others. I stopped those actions, hopefully i will get used to it not to message her. I know she will reply my message but that does not mean anything. Everyone does replied their message too so it is something common. Just me sometime, look at the phone, waiting for her reply or hoping her to message me. Mad person am i? it's just too much, i should just let things go on its own. let it be there and it will be there; let it be here and it will be here. I know i will get hurt but there's no happiness if both don't understand each other. I understand her but she does not understand me. Perhaps yes? maybe no.

i can image that after she reads my blog, she will stop talking to me since girls did that when they found out a boy actually like her. They will do everything cold to the boy. Then why not i just let her go? I do not like girls like others, even my friends know that it's very rare for me to talk about girls, girls that i like. So it's very hard for me to like a girl. Here what i can say, she caught my attention, I really like her. when we dance, each time, i'll try to let her trust me completely. I feel there's something between us when we dance but do you felt that too? Or perhaps me thinking too much again. I'm already taking my actions not to 'stick' to her too much in case something happened maybe i can still think positively and move on. So pass by or stay on? i chose to stay on and look further, waiting for the next story to come.

~HPB