My uni have a talent competition, my friends asked me to join since i know how to play piano. At first, i do not feel like playing because i'm not good and i never play in front of audience before. However they urged me to join and she's one of them too. I took sometime to make this decision, since i'm going to perform in the night ball, why don't i try to play for this too. The amount of audience in the ballroom is larger than this event. I thought of giving a try and let myself to overcome my fright-stage. I registered the last day of the registration. I chose "flower dance" for my performance. the day before i practiced in the other block of my uni. I thought i will be alone practicing but i met two of my friends and i asked them for opinion which songs should i play. At that time, i have not chosen any songs for the performance. I was down too that moment, it was hard for me to make decision at that time. Which song should i play? every single song i cant really play well since sad memories kept popping out. It will only make the song even down and it wouldn't be nice.
When i practiced, she came in and i was play "Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence", i stopped and look at her. Those sad memories just when off like a storm blow away by a strong wind but there's one memory pop up in my mind. That's i screwed her that day and she looks mad at that time too. Since she was there, i decided to play "apologize" to show my apologies to her on behalf what i did that day. Finish playing, she had to rush to her class so she left. There's one thing that i can confirm after that that is i'm totally fine after seeing her. My brain stop thinking negative stuffs and i'm able to choose which song should i play. I practiced till 4pm, she came in since i already promised to fetch her back. She wanted to learn "flower dance" my best piece, which i don't teach anyone. I'm selfish especially this piece of song. "flower dance" is a song that my friend intro me, i like it so much and i started to play it with piano and improvised it into my version. However, i taught her how to play. It's hard but she have the patience to learn and she really want to learn that song. Honestly, i never thought of teaching anyone this song because this song explains about my life. However i did and i was happy to do so too. Playing piano with her, sit besides her and teach her. she even play some of her pieces, i liked them too. I wouldn't be able to forget that moment with her. It will be a very precious piece of memory in my life.
a friend of mine told me that she knows that i like her and ask me not to hope too much. The reason behind it's because of her character and personality. I told my friend, the main problem its not that. I said i'm able to accept her weakness that's why i play with her all the time. That's why i like her and have the urge to chase her. She is playful but not as crazy as i am in my secondary school. My name was famous, have fame in school and the most surprising event is i had been punch by a teacher. that day on wards,i was so famous in school. After that incident, i totally turned into a different person but still there's part of me that i cant changed. I only reveal it to close friends because others will have problem accepting it. I want to be humble and avoid from any problems, away from troubles. I do not wish to go back how playful am i. Thus i told my friend that i'm able to accept her weakness. Weakness able to change, i'm not going to change her. No one have the rights to change a person's personality or characteristic but only herself. Thus, same goes to me, my weakness, not everyone able to accept it. I like her and she knows that i like her. Now does she likes me? I do not know. I would't do something dumb anymore, it only hurts me at the end. However, i'm still on it even though i know i will get hurt but i cant afford to let go a person which it's important to me right now.
my friend said that i wouldn't be able to accept her behavior and she's not revealing everything yet. Then i will wait till she reveals everything, i will say "are these your weakness? i will accept them" I believe she is more than that. she is special to me, she's like a drug to me now.
"I crossed the line
told myself to pull myself away
but my heart
let go of the rope
and let me go"
~HPB
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