parents' questionnaire

Saturday, we were rushing to Penang Island which is quite a distance from my house, 300km+ if i'm not mistaken. So we took off at 7am and we reached Ipoh around 9am. I was sleeping in the car the whole time until my dad stopped his car and i looked up, there goes a coffee shop. Finally, we could have some breakfast, i was hungry and tired because i did not sleep early the day before, the blame goes on me then. Anyway, i had slept for 2 hours in the car so i was energized and head for breakfast.

here comes the interesting part of that day, somehow my mum asked me how is the two sisters of mine. I answered her that they are fine and they will be continuing with their studies in degree. Suddenly, my mum brought up a conversation which is weird to me. She said how was V then? i told her that she will continue with her studies about English. It is something like advance English so i think she will be a teacher or lecturer one day. Then my mum said V is a good girl, why don't i think about it. hahaha seriously, i never thought that my mum will say that but honestly i know and i knew that we cannot be together because i'm not good enough for her or perhaps i rather appreciate her as my sister instead of girl friend. I just kept on telling my mum that it was impossible and my family was there so you can get the feeling i went through that day.

there's reason for everything and i believe we have to search it our own and that is exactly what i do in my life, keep on searching and waiting.

let's have a throw back then about my relation between V

I knew V during my foundation through a bunch of crazy foundation friends of mine. They were studying Biology science and i was studying pure science so there were few subjects i will be having the same class as them. Time goes by, they actually formed a family and it is a big one,Ugang and so i was added to their family too since i'm quite close to them and helped them a lot in some way. One day a brother of that family asked me that whether do i interested in any of the sisters in the family, i did answer him but that time i answered it because i like them, nothing much. It is normal for a guy to like girls or else boy likes boy, isn't that weird?

before that there was something happened and V started to avoid talking to me, perhaps she started to notice that i like her or maybe because of something else. it was a long story so i will only state the main stories. When it came to her birthday, she cried and i actually already knew that what happened to her before,her history through a sister in that family. Furthermore because of that, i told myself that V do not have to be my girl friend, why not a sister or a close friend perhaps. on her birthday, i actually folded and colored 100 of pink roses and store them in a transparent teddy bear, after knowing her history i folded one more rose to change the whole meaning of the present. Yes i admit that i love V very much in that period but there are things which not meant to be yours, it will not be yours forever but you can hold it and let it go; i even stated above that i'm not her dream man, she will only interested to guys which are super handsome and definitely the person will not be me haha i believe she can get a better person then me and of course her ex too. i always ask her to stay strong even the other brothers and sisters too.

i dare to type this out because i believe she trusted me to be a good brother to her and i will not break that promise. V can be my sister forever and close friend. i cannot believe my mum actually want me to chase you haha however it would not happen. right now too bad that she is far away from me, the only way to contact each other is through social network messenger. I miss you sister, i believe we can see each other one day. those memories we had, it will be in my heart forever. thanks for everything, you know you are the best. continue to stay strong and study hard for your degree, all the best and good luck.

HPB

the explode

these days we had been busy preparing ourselves for flash mob. It was something which we never thought that will happen in our university. However we put it off with a bang, everyone was excited looking at us dance. I mean the new intake students, so basically we are performing a flash mob in our university May intake orientation. We have to blend in among the new intakes, act as a new comer which do not know anything about our university. Too bad that that day's orientation they have mass call, which every new intakes have to wear our university shirt. Due to this, we are obviously exposed because we are wearing casual. There are some new intakes do not have their shirt yet so we still able to trick them somehow.

so those days, we practiced like hell. It was not something we usual train off, the beat and rhyme is faster than what i danced before. Nevertheless, practices made perfect so it was kinda awesome after you get the moves and the timing everything. That was for dance club parts, the flash mob consists of two groups which are the dance club dancers and the helpers that are helping in the orientation. So it was kinda obvious that we have to learn two choreograph for this flash mob. We able to train ours, our dance club moves in time and able to learn the other one in a short time because it was easy but it does not mean that we can dance simply, easy moves comes with tough sharpness.

Furthermore, somehow we got our dance group named as "135" because one of our moves involved in this formation and enable others to remember us in that name. So our group name is "135" ? We are still not sure on that because last time we used to call us "dance evolution" but that was history. We are talking about now, the dancers are different from before but i am still the same, newbie as usual hahaha there are so many things more for me to learn. Learn a bit from here and there so that next time when someone ask, i will be able to perform a bit or even talk about it since i have the knowledge about it but that is going to be a long time for me to achieve. So far i only know about breakdance(main), popping, hip-hop, k-pop, tango and lyrical, that is all i know. there is so much for me to explore more.



so here is the "135" after the flash mob, we are over excited and take photos. talking about taking photos, we still have few dancers that are unable to join us this time. Nevertheless they will join the next performance on 2nd June for our university night ball. They are busy than never right now since they still have showcase to prepare for in coming event which hold on 22 June if i'm not mistaken. I'm not joining this since it bangs to another event of mine. They can have all the fun this time, they have more passion than i do for dancing. As i said before, i dance for pleasure not for purpose, i do have passion but not much as theirs i believe. Different way of thinking perhaps, brings me to another kind of view about dancing. I'm happy dancing with them and i never feel like being home actually dancing with them, perhaps they do not know that, i really do love dancing. However, somehow i got myself stuck half way and unable to move forward. I'm still finding what cause me think that way and i hope to solve it as soon as possible. I felt being left out these days, or perhaps i'm the one isolated them..



sometimes or perhaps most of the time, i admit that i will look very boss-y in front of my dance buddies. Perhaps i have to change that attitude of mine, last time in secondary school i was a choreographer and of course i have my own ideas too. I do not mind sharing it but it was up to them to decide which moves they want to perform. Sharing ideas is one way to improve everyone's skills and i was happy to see everyone actually improve a lot and i mean really a lot. they can call themselves dancer already and in this flash mob i made new dance buddies which is a popper and a choreographer. Both are great, wish i will learn more things from them, they are awesome.

i'm looking forward for the next dance performance but mean while i think i better take care of my body. My health condition is not as good as before, should say become worst. Thus, no other choice but to take care of myself first, physically and mentally. Tough path have to walk, no other choices but that one and only way to walk. So that "day" going to come soon, wait till that day, everything might will be resolved and you will have your own life. i promise that....

promises are meant to be broken but not for this one, or else i will have trouble living on in my life

~HPB

the past

finally, which what i have wanted for so long, my university semester break. Semester break, it does not mean that i'm able to rest because there is a lot of things waiting for me to settle at home. It is time for me to take care of my house maintenance; one month in a year which is May during my semester break, i am only available to do so. Basically,my duty is TRYING to repair anything which is spoiled at home and maintain the house in good condition and functional. Degree life, it's a tough one but thank God that everything went smoothly in my first year first semester. In this semester, i learned how to take videos and photos. the brightness, angles, iso, aperture and more, which leads me to have more interest to take videos and photos. So far, i was thinking to have a part time job to be a photographer, it might be great. taking good photos and share them, anyway it's my hobby since i was young. in order to achieve this, i need to learn few software which edit photos to make it more lovely. right now, i'm doing my best, trying to learn how to use adobe photoshop, it is kinda hard but i will get use to it anyway.

so that's my updates about my life recently, now now, this is what am i thinking to write. I planned to write it yesterday night but there is something i need to settle down so i did not make it. something which is more important to recording this down. nevertheless, it does not change a single thing anyway, my mind still have the things i wanted to type, they are still fresh in my mind.

i was doing chores yesterday, i never thought that i actually have so many things to clean up. papers, books, accessories and more, my study table was in a big mess, i wonder how long i did not use my table to study hahaha the whole semester, i never use my table at all for my studies; i went out from morning which the sun has not even rise yet and when i reached home, the moon is laughing at me. So it is a busy life in my degree, sometimes i even need to stay up late just to finish my editing. So back to the point, while i was doing my chores, i saw something which i hid and i took it. "it" still looks good and fine, never thought that i will be seeing that again so soon. I hid that present last year and now i was looking at it.



I was thinking, how is my ex recently. Even though she dumped me silently and made me suffer, i still take her as friend. It's like seriously, even my friends asked me not to think about friends either. After that day, i never got the chance to see her anymore, i should say we did not even contact each other after that. That day, i wanted to gave her the present above, the 100 paper made roses with rose aroma, painted by me one by one and the crystal necklace. that's passed, some friends know about my history regarding my ex, i shared it to those that have mature thinking of chasing the girl they like. story been told and its up to them to make their decision wisely, unlike me.

look at the box, everything is made by me, how am i afford to burn it. It is priceless but it is not something which is said 'burn it' that easily. There is still memories in it. Temporary right now, i hid it again. hopefully that i would not see it for this period because i know that i'm in a frustrated situation. I have no time to think about other stuffs, i have to start practicing a lot for my in coming piano performance. My heart shows my frustration through my mental, my hands were shaking, i was thinking how am i going to perform well then. My piano teacher did tell me not to shake my hands but i cannot control it. Blood pressure rise again? why? gosh! i cannot give up playing piano, it is like ending my life. Piano is like a diary to me, i wrote every single details of my feelings in it, i hope people able to feel it. some people do and i'm have nothing to say other than thank you for accepting them.

May is going to be a busy month for me, dance, piano performance, maintenance , shooting, editing and more to come. Isn't it great that my life is busy so that i would not think about thinks which i should not recall off? negative thoughts? however, honestly speaking, i'm tired mentally and physically...friends, i doubt or maybe i'm just too kind to them.....who knows.....real friends? friendship? i wish i would not feel regret but i am and always do til now, hope that there's a road for me to walk away from this but there is none or maybe....who knows...the hardest thing to do in the world,is to forgive yourself~

~HPB