I wrote this one day before New Year, I was thinking what to write so I delayed the whole thing because I ended up nothing in mind. Yesterday one of the readers told me that my blog is going to be full of dust if I don’t write anything and so here it is. After some time of considerations, perhaps I can write something about the past.
It happened on the 30 October, we, sixth sense were going to have a performance in one of our university campus for Halloween. Speed things up, we did quite well in our performance on that night; I could say it through the audience. After performance there was an interview about our crew, it was a great and funny way of interviewing us but honestly the emcees went a bit too far.
As I thought so, I knew that he will confess to K that night after that incident, I saw what happened. I ignored them and ran like a parkour guy, just ran and jump over obstacles. As I knew this will happen, I asked my friend from that campus out for a drink. After a while, a message came; K told me that they are leaving. So, I blanked my mind, tried to cheer myself up and go back with a smile. Far away the distance, I saw K was holding his hand. I told myself, isn’t that what you expected so get over it. I really thought that I was able to control myself but I’m not at all. I left them with good expression and walked away quickly. I admit I did foolish things which I couldn’t believe I did it but it happened so ya.
That night, it was a rough night to me but it was a good to let me realize it was a very good reason for me to let go of K and I did. Right now, we are friends, closer than before. Thanks for trusting me and all the things you did to me, I really appreciate it. Currently, I’ll help her whenever she needs me and the promise that I made to you, I wouldn’t forget.
Thus, that was the short story I planned to write out since I’m steady right now. Lately, was preparing for another performance which will hold next week. Going to do my best though I know that I’m not into that style but still it’s a kind of dance. I’m saving my hair for the performance so you can imagine that my hair is kind of long like a Korean or Japanese guy. Recently, I got addicted to parkour even more so I did a lot of muscular trainings. I got few simple moves, going to play more if there are places for me to play around.
Memories last but you can never walk in it forever....everyone has their past which makes them realize what is important in their life. Memories kill or revive? It was never easy for us to control our mind especially emotions and feelings. Both of them are the things we hardly able to control but if you can control them, well….you’re great and strong
HPB
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Saturday, November 30, 2013
struggle
Its been a while that i'm not writing anything here, its just too many things happened or perhaps........little things but complicated ones. Nevertheless, I believe there is only one which is the worst one which actually makes me feel very lost....i just don't know how to solve it. Oh gosh, what happen to me recently, i was lost and found but the track i'm walking right now is different from what i walked before. Besides, i never thought i will be writing here again, you can imagine that how frustrating i'm in right now.
currently, i'm fearing of something and normally things which i fear, i will be able to observe and solve it. However, THIS, what kind of feeling i'm having now? i know its fear but i don't know what i'm fearing at which makes me frustrated and keep on asking myself what is it. Its like you are stucked in a black looping dimension and there's nothing or a sign leads me. Perhaps, i will just swallow things up again or just ignore this feeling. I cannot figure what is it or maybe i do but i'm just too persistence on ignoring it. Its still early and i have no solid proof on that thus right now just let this fear follow me for a moment and see how things go.
i was going to message you that your blog is full of 'dust' but i checked this morning and realized that you updated it. As usual, its a habit of mine to on your blog at least once in a day or maybe i got a habit of reading everyone's blog each time i on mine or see is there any new song uploaded/updated in your blog. The guardian you mentioned there.....i cant say it was me since there's no solid proof of it but if it is me, all i can say is "thank you for trusting me and you will always have me behind your back". Guardian, i used to be a person's personal guardian until the day she migrated, about her....one word to describe "past". Promises, just remember what i promised you and what you promised me(if you remember), you have my words and you are free to come and find me whenever you want, i will always be there for you. Therefore, if you're happy, i will be happy so cheer alright.
i do admit that i will look upset or depress even you're happy but trust me, its not what you think it is,its something else bothering me. At first, it was what you thought which i will feel pain watching you two but that's something which i need to accept. As long you're happy i'm alright with it, at least i make it clean that it was not your fault that why these days i was upset. It was something else, something i mentioned above.....i'm still fearing and searching....
friends been asking me when will you take that necklace off......i would say, wait till the day i found a girl who is brave enough to take that necklace off my neck. Which is I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E hahaha honestly speaking, i do hope that.....i was thinking of taking off but not right now as i told my friends that i will not chase any girls if that necklace is still on, which there is a rumor spread in my university who my friends thought that i was chasing someone but that necklace save my explanation.
that necklace.......just too 'heavy' to let a person to take it off.....
if the person understands you, there's no need a single word comes from the mouth...
HPB
currently, i'm fearing of something and normally things which i fear, i will be able to observe and solve it. However, THIS, what kind of feeling i'm having now? i know its fear but i don't know what i'm fearing at which makes me frustrated and keep on asking myself what is it. Its like you are stucked in a black looping dimension and there's nothing or a sign leads me. Perhaps, i will just swallow things up again or just ignore this feeling. I cannot figure what is it or maybe i do but i'm just too persistence on ignoring it. Its still early and i have no solid proof on that thus right now just let this fear follow me for a moment and see how things go.
i was going to message you that your blog is full of 'dust' but i checked this morning and realized that you updated it. As usual, its a habit of mine to on your blog at least once in a day or maybe i got a habit of reading everyone's blog each time i on mine or see is there any new song uploaded/updated in your blog. The guardian you mentioned there.....i cant say it was me since there's no solid proof of it but if it is me, all i can say is "thank you for trusting me and you will always have me behind your back". Guardian, i used to be a person's personal guardian until the day she migrated, about her....one word to describe "past". Promises, just remember what i promised you and what you promised me(if you remember), you have my words and you are free to come and find me whenever you want, i will always be there for you. Therefore, if you're happy, i will be happy so cheer alright.
i do admit that i will look upset or depress even you're happy but trust me, its not what you think it is,its something else bothering me. At first, it was what you thought which i will feel pain watching you two but that's something which i need to accept. As long you're happy i'm alright with it, at least i make it clean that it was not your fault that why these days i was upset. It was something else, something i mentioned above.....i'm still fearing and searching....
friends been asking me when will you take that necklace off......i would say, wait till the day i found a girl who is brave enough to take that necklace off my neck. Which is I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E hahaha honestly speaking, i do hope that.....i was thinking of taking off but not right now as i told my friends that i will not chase any girls if that necklace is still on, which there is a rumor spread in my university who my friends thought that i was chasing someone but that necklace save my explanation.
that necklace.......just too 'heavy' to let a person to take it off.....
if the person understands you, there's no need a single word comes from the mouth...
HPB
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Je vais bien?
True enough that i have been not writing anything in this blog not because i'm busy nor lazy. Its more like i have so many things to write but i don't know what to write because things just not easy to throw them out anymore. Back to what i used to be, the one who don't really rely on blog and keep everything inside my little tiny brain. If it suffers then let it be, its not that i can't handle them anyway;rather suffer alone, sacrifice is needed to achieve happiness for others. perhaps i'm mad but don't you think seeing those smile on your friends' face feels good though you have to suffer to have that, i think its worth doing so... Life, its never easy; even you try to create one, there's always something which will screw the whole plan, situation, environment and surrounding. So that's my life, i never expect my friends to understand me simply because my life is complicated, easy things just do not exist in front of me.
though life is complicated but it helps me to show who and what is important in my life. Recently, i have been with my dance buddies. They are funny and cute, a bunch of good friends that can play with. We had our dance performance few days ago for our university exchange program between Japanese. Talking about the performance, i felt that i did not do well on that day. K-pop, i started dance k-pop while i was in secondary school and stopped after 1-2 months after knowing that its not really my style. I did my best but it still sucks after watching the video that my DSLR took which i placed in the hall. Nevertheless we pulled it off and now proceeding to another up coming performance for Halloween.
As i said, i have been with my dance buddies these few weeks so we ended up created a 'family' and i was posted as grandpa which i think is a good post for me since i'm the eldest among all of them. Though we are from different courses, we maintain our relationship through Facebook chat and google+ hangouts. Isn't that awesome to see them that way, just that i don't know why am i getting further away from them hahaha i think too much? Maybe because of maturity, they can play things which are childish and don't even care of their fame. When that happens, i just stand beside looking at them and smile, which maybe a good 'reaction'. i wish to join them, the body is willing but the mind is suppressing it. Perhaps i can't go crazy in front of them because they doesn't know anything about me. Anyway i just try my best to join them if i'm able to or exceptional case which can makes me high on that day.
always think positive which always makes me think negative at the same time. Have been too good thinking around and cycle it, its like never ending. "Secrets are meant to be reveal" which i used to say but "Between secrets there are secrets which you rather not reveal than revealing it" is the one that's circling in my mind now. Words are just words;two type of words, tangible or intangible and two kinds of secrets, lie or truth. lost or found, who knows..
HPB
though life is complicated but it helps me to show who and what is important in my life. Recently, i have been with my dance buddies. They are funny and cute, a bunch of good friends that can play with. We had our dance performance few days ago for our university exchange program between Japanese. Talking about the performance, i felt that i did not do well on that day. K-pop, i started dance k-pop while i was in secondary school and stopped after 1-2 months after knowing that its not really my style. I did my best but it still sucks after watching the video that my DSLR took which i placed in the hall. Nevertheless we pulled it off and now proceeding to another up coming performance for Halloween.
As i said, i have been with my dance buddies these few weeks so we ended up created a 'family' and i was posted as grandpa which i think is a good post for me since i'm the eldest among all of them. Though we are from different courses, we maintain our relationship through Facebook chat and google+ hangouts. Isn't that awesome to see them that way, just that i don't know why am i getting further away from them hahaha i think too much? Maybe because of maturity, they can play things which are childish and don't even care of their fame. When that happens, i just stand beside looking at them and smile, which maybe a good 'reaction'. i wish to join them, the body is willing but the mind is suppressing it. Perhaps i can't go crazy in front of them because they doesn't know anything about me. Anyway i just try my best to join them if i'm able to or exceptional case which can makes me high on that day.
always think positive which always makes me think negative at the same time. Have been too good thinking around and cycle it, its like never ending. "Secrets are meant to be reveal" which i used to say but "Between secrets there are secrets which you rather not reveal than revealing it" is the one that's circling in my mind now. Words are just words;two type of words, tangible or intangible and two kinds of secrets, lie or truth. lost or found, who knows..
HPB
Friday, October 4, 2013
way it went
life is simple, its just that how we view and walk it, whether to maintain it to be as simple as it is or else make it complicated as no one is able to understand.
that's what people think nowadays, they want to make their life as simple as it is but ended up they did not even notice themselves are the one that make things more complicated. Recently, i don't post any updates nor status in my Facebook anymore, i felt that it was not necessary and my parents are there so i rather keep everything to myself. However, if i update my status in Facebook,most probably the status send an important message to my friends or else i wouldn't even bother updating it. I went back to my Google+ social network which i abandoned it two years ago, that social network is much more peaceful than Facebook or Twitter. I don't update much but spend more time on reading the news over there since Google+ is like a live social network, updating news quite often. And if i really do need to update any status, i will update it in either Google+ or Twitter.
"what are you thinking?" this is the question i get most of the time recently and all i replied is "nothing/just craps" but actually my brain is thinking bunch of stuffs, important things, events, friendship, dance, life, experience and more further things and possibilities. I just cannot stop thinking, i think a lot and sometimes it reached the stage of going crazy and when that happens, i will just walk away from my friends, asking them to go a head without me or find an excuses to get away from them. why? i don't like to pull my friends into my shoes,i want they to stay happy so i choose to walk away whenever i'm that stage. They wouldn't be worrying me since in their mind they always thinks that i'm the strongest and the wisest among them. perhaps even a strongest person will fall in certain time...
its hard to find someone that i trust and able to tell everything in my mind, my burdens and worries. Even if i have friends that i can trust, it is weird that i cannot even open my mouth to tell them at all. I just felt that everything have to be kept to myself, no one have to knows about it like i used to be. None of my friends know about my stuffs until the day i broke up with my ex, they force me to tell everything. Great brothers but i really hope they understand what i told them and i wish they wouldn't go through the things i went through even they do, i will help them no matter what. And true enough, some of them came and find me but all i will do is to guide them, not giving answers but opinions, decision is theirs to make.
since no one that i can tell my stuffs and it impossible for me to keep it this way or else brain will burst, just stay at the side of the corner and brain will haunt you questions that makes you suffer. Everyone have their own way to solve this problem and mine is dancing. That is one my the reasons that's why i dance so i said "dance is my life" but not everyone get the meaning of it, without dance i think i wouldn't be surviving now. Recently been busy preparing for in coming performance and unbelievable that i'm going to touch k-pop dance again. I stopped once years ago so give myself another try to gain back the feeling of the song. Honestly, i never feel much better being with my dance buddies, dance together, share skills and happiness. I always try my best to make any practices they have as long they don't clash my time with my church, i will definitely be there.
these days, there are two songs in my mind keep on playing and i felt like choreographing it. its going to be a contemporary dance which i have no experience at all. Might going to start from learning more through videos, it might be great or the worst haha give myself a try on something new. Meanwhile also focusing on up coming performance and try to improve my breakdance stunts and parkour
its difficult and suffering to keep words that you actually wanted to say but for people's happiness sake, you rather swallow the whole thing up and just tend to act nothing. Perhaps my way to keep people happy, pull them high up the mountain and i will be happy to see their smiling faces. i worry maybe i think too much or maybe i know but i don't ask, even if i ask i know the reply is a lie so ended up stuck in the same place. In my life there's no simple perhaps only complication. complication to protect myself from being hurt again. its not that i don't want my life to be simple and think easily its i can't do so
HPB
that's what people think nowadays, they want to make their life as simple as it is but ended up they did not even notice themselves are the one that make things more complicated. Recently, i don't post any updates nor status in my Facebook anymore, i felt that it was not necessary and my parents are there so i rather keep everything to myself. However, if i update my status in Facebook,most probably the status send an important message to my friends or else i wouldn't even bother updating it. I went back to my Google+ social network which i abandoned it two years ago, that social network is much more peaceful than Facebook or Twitter. I don't update much but spend more time on reading the news over there since Google+ is like a live social network, updating news quite often. And if i really do need to update any status, i will update it in either Google+ or Twitter.
"what are you thinking?" this is the question i get most of the time recently and all i replied is "nothing/just craps" but actually my brain is thinking bunch of stuffs, important things, events, friendship, dance, life, experience and more further things and possibilities. I just cannot stop thinking, i think a lot and sometimes it reached the stage of going crazy and when that happens, i will just walk away from my friends, asking them to go a head without me or find an excuses to get away from them. why? i don't like to pull my friends into my shoes,i want they to stay happy so i choose to walk away whenever i'm that stage. They wouldn't be worrying me since in their mind they always thinks that i'm the strongest and the wisest among them. perhaps even a strongest person will fall in certain time...
its hard to find someone that i trust and able to tell everything in my mind, my burdens and worries. Even if i have friends that i can trust, it is weird that i cannot even open my mouth to tell them at all. I just felt that everything have to be kept to myself, no one have to knows about it like i used to be. None of my friends know about my stuffs until the day i broke up with my ex, they force me to tell everything. Great brothers but i really hope they understand what i told them and i wish they wouldn't go through the things i went through even they do, i will help them no matter what. And true enough, some of them came and find me but all i will do is to guide them, not giving answers but opinions, decision is theirs to make.
since no one that i can tell my stuffs and it impossible for me to keep it this way or else brain will burst, just stay at the side of the corner and brain will haunt you questions that makes you suffer. Everyone have their own way to solve this problem and mine is dancing. That is one my the reasons that's why i dance so i said "dance is my life" but not everyone get the meaning of it, without dance i think i wouldn't be surviving now. Recently been busy preparing for in coming performance and unbelievable that i'm going to touch k-pop dance again. I stopped once years ago so give myself another try to gain back the feeling of the song. Honestly, i never feel much better being with my dance buddies, dance together, share skills and happiness. I always try my best to make any practices they have as long they don't clash my time with my church, i will definitely be there.
these days, there are two songs in my mind keep on playing and i felt like choreographing it. its going to be a contemporary dance which i have no experience at all. Might going to start from learning more through videos, it might be great or the worst haha give myself a try on something new. Meanwhile also focusing on up coming performance and try to improve my breakdance stunts and parkour
its difficult and suffering to keep words that you actually wanted to say but for people's happiness sake, you rather swallow the whole thing up and just tend to act nothing. Perhaps my way to keep people happy, pull them high up the mountain and i will be happy to see their smiling faces. i worry maybe i think too much or maybe i know but i don't ask, even if i ask i know the reply is a lie so ended up stuck in the same place. In my life there's no simple perhaps only complication. complication to protect myself from being hurt again. its not that i don't want my life to be simple and think easily its i can't do so
HPB
Friday, August 30, 2013
that smile
today,its the day where our country called the independent day; once the clock reached 12am, the place where i stayed, the blue dark sky all lighted up with colorful fireworks and noises which annoys me. Independent day, a day where everyone will stay at home and rest, a day where adults able to sleep till noon time, a day where kids unable to watch their favorite morning cartoons, a day where everyone will only think its holiday instead of independent day. Simply its means not everyone do care about today but we citizen of Malaysia still look forward the day where there is no boxes for cina, malay, india or others in any paper form, just a box which written malaysian, isn't that the best answer? whether will it happen? anyway still there is a lot of thing which we need to achieve to build this country.
enough of the independent day, what so special about today is K's birthday, that's why i remember this day. honestly speaking i never remember this day for years after since my primary school. Primary school is because they will print an announcement and ask us to bring back home to show our parents that's why i remember and after that i never remember that day until that exact day comes. Anyway, today is her birthday, she celebrated her birthday in her house if i'm not mistaken with a friend of hers who has the same day of birthday too. She looks happy in the photo, that's the smile i want to see. I do hope that she enjoy her birthday celebration with her friends, should be awesome. I don't have that kind of celebration before but on my birthday which happened this year, K actually helped me to celebrate with my dancing friends and friends that i made during the preparation of Mirage, a music drama show. A day which i will remember.
So its your birthday, i remember so clearly that early of the month you said "don't you dare to see me without present on my birthday " but you did not know that i actually already planned everything when to go and buy your present,what to buy and others hahaha i was just waiting for the day to come. that few days,I bet you did notice that i kept asking you when are you going to be in PJ since its the last week for the semester, everyone prefer to stay at their hometown and study for their finals. I thought of going to your house to deliver to you if you really not planning to come down but you did come down and its only that day for that dance practice. I personally prefer to give birthday present before the actually birthday or even better on the exact day, never been in my mind to give a belated present, i felt weird doing so. I gave you the present and you looked happy, which the only thing i wanted to see, your happy face and that smile. You wanted to open the present in front of me which you said that you did to everyone but i'm glad that you did not do so in front of me hahaha i prefer the host open it while i'm not around.
so here's your present
i'm glad that you like it very much =) the day you helped me to dyed my hair, i asked you which color do you like and you answered as long its colorful. you made my head spin honestly but day after day i noticed that you actually got into purple a lot so conclude buying things which is purple. Knowing a bit of you, your style so i know what taste do you like and getting a watch its something which you hope to have isn't it? hahaha watch, i do hope that it will help you in future and you wouldn't get lost in time XD actually i thought of bringing you to Putrajaya to watch fireworks for your birthday which is the one that shared in facebook but too bad finals is around the corner and i have much more to cover, perhaps next year. Anyway the promise that i promised to you, i wouldn't forget, which is our next photo shooting venue will be in Putrajaya and its night view. i can't wait to take the colorful bridge which i wanted and you're going to be the model of that day hahaha
alright this is what i wrote in the letter which was contained in her present,
"祝你青春美丽，愿你梦想成真，生日快乐，XX。虽然有时你对我有点冷淡，但你有时也有让我感觉温暖，谢谢你=)你别emo了，不然你那笑容我再也看不见了。记得你并不是一个人，有什么事，请跟我说，像我平时都说的，你可以找我，我一定会在。好了，你别多想，考试加油，我在pc等你 也许你讨厌的朋友， XX"
haha =) smile can be fake...but that smile of yours which i saw, it's the one kind which makes you who really you are. stay happy as always K. life its complicated, there's a lot of ups and downs but tell yourself that you have infinite of reasons for you to live happily. all the best and good luck in your finals ya
HPB
enough of the independent day, what so special about today is K's birthday, that's why i remember this day. honestly speaking i never remember this day for years after since my primary school. Primary school is because they will print an announcement and ask us to bring back home to show our parents that's why i remember and after that i never remember that day until that exact day comes. Anyway, today is her birthday, she celebrated her birthday in her house if i'm not mistaken with a friend of hers who has the same day of birthday too. She looks happy in the photo, that's the smile i want to see. I do hope that she enjoy her birthday celebration with her friends, should be awesome. I don't have that kind of celebration before but on my birthday which happened this year, K actually helped me to celebrate with my dancing friends and friends that i made during the preparation of Mirage, a music drama show. A day which i will remember.
So its your birthday, i remember so clearly that early of the month you said "don't you dare to see me without present on my birthday " but you did not know that i actually already planned everything when to go and buy your present,what to buy and others hahaha i was just waiting for the day to come. that few days,I bet you did notice that i kept asking you when are you going to be in PJ since its the last week for the semester, everyone prefer to stay at their hometown and study for their finals. I thought of going to your house to deliver to you if you really not planning to come down but you did come down and its only that day for that dance practice. I personally prefer to give birthday present before the actually birthday or even better on the exact day, never been in my mind to give a belated present, i felt weird doing so. I gave you the present and you looked happy, which the only thing i wanted to see, your happy face and that smile. You wanted to open the present in front of me which you said that you did to everyone but i'm glad that you did not do so in front of me hahaha i prefer the host open it while i'm not around.
so here's your present
i'm glad that you like it very much =) the day you helped me to dyed my hair, i asked you which color do you like and you answered as long its colorful. you made my head spin honestly but day after day i noticed that you actually got into purple a lot so conclude buying things which is purple. Knowing a bit of you, your style so i know what taste do you like and getting a watch its something which you hope to have isn't it? hahaha watch, i do hope that it will help you in future and you wouldn't get lost in time XD actually i thought of bringing you to Putrajaya to watch fireworks for your birthday which is the one that shared in facebook but too bad finals is around the corner and i have much more to cover, perhaps next year. Anyway the promise that i promised to you, i wouldn't forget, which is our next photo shooting venue will be in Putrajaya and its night view. i can't wait to take the colorful bridge which i wanted and you're going to be the model of that day hahaha
alright this is what i wrote in the letter which was contained in her present,
"祝你青春美丽，愿你梦想成真，生日快乐，XX。虽然有时你对我有点冷淡，但你有时也有让我感觉温暖，谢谢你=)你别emo了，不然你那笑容我再也看不见了。记得你并不是一个人，有什么事，请跟我说，像我平时都说的，你可以找我，我一定会在。好了，你别多想，考试加油，我在pc等你 也许你讨厌的朋友， XX"
haha =) smile can be fake...but that smile of yours which i saw, it's the one kind which makes you who really you are. stay happy as always K. life its complicated, there's a lot of ups and downs but tell yourself that you have infinite of reasons for you to live happily. all the best and good luck in your finals ya
HPB
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Wind Flew
it's been a while that i did not write anything here, i was too busy with my university assignments and flooded with midterms too. other than that, of course there is bunch of things i would like to write it here but somehow i feel lazy to write. Like i said before, bunch of things, which means a lot, there's too much for me to write, its impossible for me to write everything. anyway, today feel like coming here and type some stuffs which happened days ago.
I had a great time with K on Tuesday and i hope she was too. Something scared her the day before so i decided to bring her out and she wanted to see graffiti. She was so interested and so looking forward to see those arts. I knew a place which have a whole row of it thus bring her there and do photo shootings at the same time to improve and gain back my photo shooting skills. I like graffiti too but too bad at that time, my friends they do not really like them so each time we pass by there, they will just continue to walk. I wanted to stay there and see each of it but since i'm the only one that like it so they would not wait for me. Normally, i only had a glance to see the graffiti. So that day i brought her there, she was so happy. in addition surprisingly, on that day, we saw a huge around 3-4 feet monitor lizard or comodo dragon and it was just few feets away from us. She was freaked out and i was in front of her protecting her. I could say actually i'm very calm when i saw that but seeing her reaction so in case anything happen just look after her. I promised her to take care and protect her that day so promised as promise and impossible that i will let anything happen to her hahaha anyway i really enjoy that day, never thought that i can actually have the chance to see the graffiti for that long and close moreover unexpectedly was with K. Besides enjoying the graffiti, i brought my DSLR along; took a lot of photos and memories too. Quite a long time already i never appear in a frame, she asked me to take along and i entrusted her my 2nd wife to her, taught her how to use. I'm impressed and admitted to say this, she can be a good photographer. She has sharp eyes and imagination to take nice photos but there's much more to learn, she will learn them when she enter degree =) I can say after that "day", i never felt so happy and you never expect that you can actually give me so much joy aren't you K? hahaha =)
everyone has their on personality, there's a saying goes " personality can be changed if you wanted to ". Yes, this sentence is correct but i have another one on my own which is "personality can changed but characteristic of the person wouldn't". My personality is based on who you are to me, i'm real all the time (ok, i admit there are times i will be fake) but beware each of everyone of us has their own temper. There's limitation for everything, i love to help but never take it as granted or else you will find out that you actually useless or you did not learn anything from it. I will still help but who is the one that will gain the wisdom, isn't it me? i wanted my friends to learn as well, there are times that i might look very bossy and "smart" but i'm actually trying to teach you guys. i want you guys to learn and have the same knowledge as i have. I'm a patience person if the person can hit that point of my temper it simply means you are just too way much a head. I never like people to take me and compare to themselves. Its a stupid thing to do, why do you take people and compare to yourself? isn't that increase you stress and you will feel bad of yourself? Thus, please don't take anyone to compare yourself. God created us, each one of us have their own ability and own story to walk. If you really want to compare, compare with your pass, that's the best way for you to improve yourself.
everyone have their own story to walk, you cannot stop in the middle of it; its like you are growing from primary to secondary and now adult. in other words, time pass means passed, there is no return; appreciate the time you have now and stop worrying about future. future is not something which you can worry or think of because there is none that know what will happen next. Therefore, instead of waiting, move on first, you will see things differently without your expectation.
HPB
I had a great time with K on Tuesday and i hope she was too. Something scared her the day before so i decided to bring her out and she wanted to see graffiti. She was so interested and so looking forward to see those arts. I knew a place which have a whole row of it thus bring her there and do photo shootings at the same time to improve and gain back my photo shooting skills. I like graffiti too but too bad at that time, my friends they do not really like them so each time we pass by there, they will just continue to walk. I wanted to stay there and see each of it but since i'm the only one that like it so they would not wait for me. Normally, i only had a glance to see the graffiti. So that day i brought her there, she was so happy. in addition surprisingly, on that day, we saw a huge around 3-4 feet monitor lizard or comodo dragon and it was just few feets away from us. She was freaked out and i was in front of her protecting her. I could say actually i'm very calm when i saw that but seeing her reaction so in case anything happen just look after her. I promised her to take care and protect her that day so promised as promise and impossible that i will let anything happen to her hahaha anyway i really enjoy that day, never thought that i can actually have the chance to see the graffiti for that long and close moreover unexpectedly was with K. Besides enjoying the graffiti, i brought my DSLR along; took a lot of photos and memories too. Quite a long time already i never appear in a frame, she asked me to take along and i entrusted her my 2nd wife to her, taught her how to use. I'm impressed and admitted to say this, she can be a good photographer. She has sharp eyes and imagination to take nice photos but there's much more to learn, she will learn them when she enter degree =) I can say after that "day", i never felt so happy and you never expect that you can actually give me so much joy aren't you K? hahaha =)
everyone has their on personality, there's a saying goes " personality can be changed if you wanted to ". Yes, this sentence is correct but i have another one on my own which is "personality can changed but characteristic of the person wouldn't". My personality is based on who you are to me, i'm real all the time (ok, i admit there are times i will be fake) but beware each of everyone of us has their own temper. There's limitation for everything, i love to help but never take it as granted or else you will find out that you actually useless or you did not learn anything from it. I will still help but who is the one that will gain the wisdom, isn't it me? i wanted my friends to learn as well, there are times that i might look very bossy and "smart" but i'm actually trying to teach you guys. i want you guys to learn and have the same knowledge as i have. I'm a patience person if the person can hit that point of my temper it simply means you are just too way much a head. I never like people to take me and compare to themselves. Its a stupid thing to do, why do you take people and compare to yourself? isn't that increase you stress and you will feel bad of yourself? Thus, please don't take anyone to compare yourself. God created us, each one of us have their own ability and own story to walk. If you really want to compare, compare with your pass, that's the best way for you to improve yourself.
everyone have their own story to walk, you cannot stop in the middle of it; its like you are growing from primary to secondary and now adult. in other words, time pass means passed, there is no return; appreciate the time you have now and stop worrying about future. future is not something which you can worry or think of because there is none that know what will happen next. Therefore, instead of waiting, move on first, you will see things differently without your expectation.
HPB
Thursday, June 27, 2013
path chosen
I was planning to do my revision for my in coming midterm but ended up here. Maybe going to write down some of the things happened around me recently, i might feel better. I felt stressful these days due to assignments and other stuffs which are secretive. anyway straight to the point, there are things bothering me but its not something which i can handle. Thus, the only thing i can do is wait or look through it the answer myself. However best answer comes from the actual person so its kinda difficult to open your mouth and it comes to worst if you have estimated the answers to those questions. so, what's the point asking questions which you might already know the answer?
few days ago, bunch of my friends went to counseling room for consultation. I heard that its more like a sharing section for everyone inside there. Too bad, i love to share stuffs but most of my stuffs are secret so its kinda hard for me to do so. Instead of going inside that room, another friend of mine wanted to consult me, asking me what does he need to do and others. here comes another relationship problem, i did that in my secondary school even till now my brothers will come and find me for advice. I do not understand but why do you guys come and find me? I cannot give advice because i also have problems in that. No one is specialist in this, all i can do for them is to be their listener. Listen to their problems and question them and guide them, that's all, i do not give them answers because there's no right and wrong in this case.
and back to where i was, after counseling my friend and its kinda late already and my friends who were in the counseling room opened the door, during the sharing section they actually locked the door. few of my friends went off and some of them stayed. anyway i went in and never thought that i ended up counseling them, my friends. I just shared what i experienced before, nothing else, no craps, all base on what i went through in my life. The counselor concluded me by saying me that my age looks 20 but my brain is 40. Its not something like this, maybe because of my curiosity, i look through things, i scan, i analyze, i investigate, i observe, i tried and these is what i get, experiences.
i never thought that i ended up counselling my friends but one thing that i hope is one of the friends in there able to get what i'm exactly trying to tell her. I know her problems so i'm doing my best to advice her through friends. I want her to wake up from her dream and face reality. This world is cruel and only the strong will survive. Those who are weak will remain weak but if the weak takes the chance and give a try,step forward, its a new beginning for him or her to be strong. Strong cannot be measure as long you have the will with you, nothing can stop you. Spoke for that long, hopefully she will get it one day. they look at me like a pro but you do not know how much i paid for my life, what i went through, the counselor know that. I share and counsel because i do not wish to see you guys to go through the same thing i went through.
Time is all i need, I will eventually let you go. I had a great time with you yesterday, hard to believe but it's happening. It was great to see so many great dancers this time and it was lucky that the vise president has changed haha Anyway the conversation in the car between you and me, yup, you got me that i'm actually in a situation. A simple situation which i actually so stupid not to solve it as soon as possible. However yesterday a sentence of yours struck me and made me realize something. So like i said before and i will say it again, i'm single but i'm not available because relationships or feelings i do not want to touch or even care anymore. All i want to do right now is to focus in my studies, if it wants to happen, it will happen eventually. Thus, i will forget about these as long that ring of mine is on my neck. I'm going to live on what i want to be and forget those feelings and stuffs.
HPB
few days ago, bunch of my friends went to counseling room for consultation. I heard that its more like a sharing section for everyone inside there. Too bad, i love to share stuffs but most of my stuffs are secret so its kinda hard for me to do so. Instead of going inside that room, another friend of mine wanted to consult me, asking me what does he need to do and others. here comes another relationship problem, i did that in my secondary school even till now my brothers will come and find me for advice. I do not understand but why do you guys come and find me? I cannot give advice because i also have problems in that. No one is specialist in this, all i can do for them is to be their listener. Listen to their problems and question them and guide them, that's all, i do not give them answers because there's no right and wrong in this case.
and back to where i was, after counseling my friend and its kinda late already and my friends who were in the counseling room opened the door, during the sharing section they actually locked the door. few of my friends went off and some of them stayed. anyway i went in and never thought that i ended up counseling them, my friends. I just shared what i experienced before, nothing else, no craps, all base on what i went through in my life. The counselor concluded me by saying me that my age looks 20 but my brain is 40. Its not something like this, maybe because of my curiosity, i look through things, i scan, i analyze, i investigate, i observe, i tried and these is what i get, experiences.
i never thought that i ended up counselling my friends but one thing that i hope is one of the friends in there able to get what i'm exactly trying to tell her. I know her problems so i'm doing my best to advice her through friends. I want her to wake up from her dream and face reality. This world is cruel and only the strong will survive. Those who are weak will remain weak but if the weak takes the chance and give a try,step forward, its a new beginning for him or her to be strong. Strong cannot be measure as long you have the will with you, nothing can stop you. Spoke for that long, hopefully she will get it one day. they look at me like a pro but you do not know how much i paid for my life, what i went through, the counselor know that. I share and counsel because i do not wish to see you guys to go through the same thing i went through.
Time is all i need, I will eventually let you go. I had a great time with you yesterday, hard to believe but it's happening. It was great to see so many great dancers this time and it was lucky that the vise president has changed haha Anyway the conversation in the car between you and me, yup, you got me that i'm actually in a situation. A simple situation which i actually so stupid not to solve it as soon as possible. However yesterday a sentence of yours struck me and made me realize something. So like i said before and i will say it again, i'm single but i'm not available because relationships or feelings i do not want to touch or even care anymore. All i want to do right now is to focus in my studies, if it wants to happen, it will happen eventually. Thus, i will forget about these as long that ring of mine is on my neck. I'm going to live on what i want to be and forget those feelings and stuffs.
HPB
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