True enough that i have been not writing anything in this blog not because i'm busy nor lazy. Its more like i have so many things to write but i don't know what to write because things just not easy to throw them out anymore. Back to what i used to be, the one who don't really rely on blog and keep everything inside my little tiny brain. If it suffers then let it be, its not that i can't handle them anyway;rather suffer alone, sacrifice is needed to achieve happiness for others. perhaps i'm mad but don't you think seeing those smile on your friends' face feels good though you have to suffer to have that, i think its worth doing so... Life, its never easy; even you try to create one, there's always something which will screw the whole plan, situation, environment and surrounding. So that's my life, i never expect my friends to understand me simply because my life is complicated, easy things just do not exist in front of me.
though life is complicated but it helps me to show who and what is important in my life. Recently, i have been with my dance buddies. They are funny and cute, a bunch of good friends that can play with. We had our dance performance few days ago for our university exchange program between Japanese. Talking about the performance, i felt that i did not do well on that day. K-pop, i started dance k-pop while i was in secondary school and stopped after 1-2 months after knowing that its not really my style. I did my best but it still sucks after watching the video that my DSLR took which i placed in the hall. Nevertheless we pulled it off and now proceeding to another up coming performance for Halloween.
As i said, i have been with my dance buddies these few weeks so we ended up created a 'family' and i was posted as grandpa which i think is a good post for me since i'm the eldest among all of them. Though we are from different courses, we maintain our relationship through Facebook chat and google+ hangouts. Isn't that awesome to see them that way, just that i don't know why am i getting further away from them hahaha i think too much? Maybe because of maturity, they can play things which are childish and don't even care of their fame. When that happens, i just stand beside looking at them and smile, which maybe a good 'reaction'. i wish to join them, the body is willing but the mind is suppressing it. Perhaps i can't go crazy in front of them because they doesn't know anything about me. Anyway i just try my best to join them if i'm able to or exceptional case which can makes me high on that day.
always think positive which always makes me think negative at the same time. Have been too good thinking around and cycle it, its like never ending. "Secrets are meant to be reveal" which i used to say but "Between secrets there are secrets which you rather not reveal than revealing it" is the one that's circling in my mind now. Words are just words;two type of words, tangible or intangible and two kinds of secrets, lie or truth. lost or found, who knows..
HPB
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
way it went
life is simple, its just that how we view and walk it, whether to maintain it to be as simple as it is or else make it complicated as no one is able to understand.
that's what people think nowadays, they want to make their life as simple as it is but ended up they did not even notice themselves are the one that make things more complicated. Recently, i don't post any updates nor status in my Facebook anymore, i felt that it was not necessary and my parents are there so i rather keep everything to myself. However, if i update my status in Facebook,most probably the status send an important message to my friends or else i wouldn't even bother updating it. I went back to my Google+ social network which i abandoned it two years ago, that social network is much more peaceful than Facebook or Twitter. I don't update much but spend more time on reading the news over there since Google+ is like a live social network, updating news quite often. And if i really do need to update any status, i will update it in either Google+ or Twitter.
"what are you thinking?" this is the question i get most of the time recently and all i replied is "nothing/just craps" but actually my brain is thinking bunch of stuffs, important things, events, friendship, dance, life, experience and more further things and possibilities. I just cannot stop thinking, i think a lot and sometimes it reached the stage of going crazy and when that happens, i will just walk away from my friends, asking them to go a head without me or find an excuses to get away from them. why? i don't like to pull my friends into my shoes,i want they to stay happy so i choose to walk away whenever i'm that stage. They wouldn't be worrying me since in their mind they always thinks that i'm the strongest and the wisest among them. perhaps even a strongest person will fall in certain time...
its hard to find someone that i trust and able to tell everything in my mind, my burdens and worries. Even if i have friends that i can trust, it is weird that i cannot even open my mouth to tell them at all. I just felt that everything have to be kept to myself, no one have to knows about it like i used to be. None of my friends know about my stuffs until the day i broke up with my ex, they force me to tell everything. Great brothers but i really hope they understand what i told them and i wish they wouldn't go through the things i went through even they do, i will help them no matter what. And true enough, some of them came and find me but all i will do is to guide them, not giving answers but opinions, decision is theirs to make.
since no one that i can tell my stuffs and it impossible for me to keep it this way or else brain will burst, just stay at the side of the corner and brain will haunt you questions that makes you suffer. Everyone have their own way to solve this problem and mine is dancing. That is one my the reasons that's why i dance so i said "dance is my life" but not everyone get the meaning of it, without dance i think i wouldn't be surviving now. Recently been busy preparing for in coming performance and unbelievable that i'm going to touch k-pop dance again. I stopped once years ago so give myself another try to gain back the feeling of the song. Honestly, i never feel much better being with my dance buddies, dance together, share skills and happiness. I always try my best to make any practices they have as long they don't clash my time with my church, i will definitely be there.
these days, there are two songs in my mind keep on playing and i felt like choreographing it. its going to be a contemporary dance which i have no experience at all. Might going to start from learning more through videos, it might be great or the worst haha give myself a try on something new. Meanwhile also focusing on up coming performance and try to improve my breakdance stunts and parkour
its difficult and suffering to keep words that you actually wanted to say but for people's happiness sake, you rather swallow the whole thing up and just tend to act nothing. Perhaps my way to keep people happy, pull them high up the mountain and i will be happy to see their smiling faces. i worry maybe i think too much or maybe i know but i don't ask, even if i ask i know the reply is a lie so ended up stuck in the same place. In my life there's no simple perhaps only complication. complication to protect myself from being hurt again. its not that i don't want my life to be simple and think easily its i can't do so
HPB
that's what people think nowadays, they want to make their life as simple as it is but ended up they did not even notice themselves are the one that make things more complicated. Recently, i don't post any updates nor status in my Facebook anymore, i felt that it was not necessary and my parents are there so i rather keep everything to myself. However, if i update my status in Facebook,most probably the status send an important message to my friends or else i wouldn't even bother updating it. I went back to my Google+ social network which i abandoned it two years ago, that social network is much more peaceful than Facebook or Twitter. I don't update much but spend more time on reading the news over there since Google+ is like a live social network, updating news quite often. And if i really do need to update any status, i will update it in either Google+ or Twitter.
"what are you thinking?" this is the question i get most of the time recently and all i replied is "nothing/just craps" but actually my brain is thinking bunch of stuffs, important things, events, friendship, dance, life, experience and more further things and possibilities. I just cannot stop thinking, i think a lot and sometimes it reached the stage of going crazy and when that happens, i will just walk away from my friends, asking them to go a head without me or find an excuses to get away from them. why? i don't like to pull my friends into my shoes,i want they to stay happy so i choose to walk away whenever i'm that stage. They wouldn't be worrying me since in their mind they always thinks that i'm the strongest and the wisest among them. perhaps even a strongest person will fall in certain time...
its hard to find someone that i trust and able to tell everything in my mind, my burdens and worries. Even if i have friends that i can trust, it is weird that i cannot even open my mouth to tell them at all. I just felt that everything have to be kept to myself, no one have to knows about it like i used to be. None of my friends know about my stuffs until the day i broke up with my ex, they force me to tell everything. Great brothers but i really hope they understand what i told them and i wish they wouldn't go through the things i went through even they do, i will help them no matter what. And true enough, some of them came and find me but all i will do is to guide them, not giving answers but opinions, decision is theirs to make.
since no one that i can tell my stuffs and it impossible for me to keep it this way or else brain will burst, just stay at the side of the corner and brain will haunt you questions that makes you suffer. Everyone have their own way to solve this problem and mine is dancing. That is one my the reasons that's why i dance so i said "dance is my life" but not everyone get the meaning of it, without dance i think i wouldn't be surviving now. Recently been busy preparing for in coming performance and unbelievable that i'm going to touch k-pop dance again. I stopped once years ago so give myself another try to gain back the feeling of the song. Honestly, i never feel much better being with my dance buddies, dance together, share skills and happiness. I always try my best to make any practices they have as long they don't clash my time with my church, i will definitely be there.
these days, there are two songs in my mind keep on playing and i felt like choreographing it. its going to be a contemporary dance which i have no experience at all. Might going to start from learning more through videos, it might be great or the worst haha give myself a try on something new. Meanwhile also focusing on up coming performance and try to improve my breakdance stunts and parkour
its difficult and suffering to keep words that you actually wanted to say but for people's happiness sake, you rather swallow the whole thing up and just tend to act nothing. Perhaps my way to keep people happy, pull them high up the mountain and i will be happy to see their smiling faces. i worry maybe i think too much or maybe i know but i don't ask, even if i ask i know the reply is a lie so ended up stuck in the same place. In my life there's no simple perhaps only complication. complication to protect myself from being hurt again. its not that i don't want my life to be simple and think easily its i can't do so
HPB
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