it's 12:10am right now and i should be on my bed sleeping because i have morning class later, i need to wake up at 6am. However, i feel that today i need to write down this. Perhaps i will feel better after writing everything down what exactly happened today, from morning to night.
early morning, i have my multimedia application tutorial, it was awesome. It makes me wanted to learn more and build a website for my own. It's an interesting subject, hopefully that i will not regret saying that because it involves a bit of programming, which will bring me headache. After that, my friends and i went to have lunch together and at the same time to know each other better since we're a group in our assignments. knowing each other better bring better result and outcome? At the same time i will able to know their personality. Before starting any assignments or projects, you need to understand your teammates first. am i right? so i observed them, everything is fine, until i check my facebook.
in facebook, i saw my ex check in at her area having lunch with her friends. Suddenly, i have a break down. "how is she?" the sentence that appeared in my mind. I thought i already let her go totally but seriously when you let it go, it wouldn't be totally. It's impossible to totally forget those memories we had. The things i did and sacrificed, now she is happy over there. She totally forget about me i bet and i have the feeling that actually there's a guy with her. I mean there's actually a guy chasing her. It gives me that kind of feeling, what can i do? it's none of my business anymore. Nevertheless, deep down my heart, i still cant really accept what actually happened. I cant imagine myself looking at her and there's a boy besides her. I look strong physically but not on my mental or should put it on this thing.
friends urged me to be strong, forget about her and let her go. I did, i really did that but still there's small part of it remains. A friend of mine actually said, if i can recover between half of the year, it means that i'm strong. However, there's actually something happened and i'm actually feel better in 2 months later. I met a girl and i bet she does not know anything about my background or perhaps jia shin did tell her my relationship history, I dont know. However recently, the way how the girl that i liked replied me, it's getting cooler? or perhaps i think too much again, there's no love story will happen like in the drama, it's too impossible to believe. Besides, who am i to her, i'm just a friend of hers or just a dance partner. I hardly have problems reading people's mind, she is one of them. I understands her in someway but not every way. I accept her weakness but people normally have problem accepting mine.
my weakness is bad temper but it's already under control. however today, my mood was already down, i screwed her up accidentally just now. when i realized it, it's too late. I was like, great,i screw up the whole thing again, i wanted to apologize to her in a rightful manner, i did apologize to her after screwing her but in a very bad manner. It's so not me, why am i doing this. Regret after that, she did not really talk to me after that. Or should say, recently we do not really talk to each other. I do not know why, perhaps i chase her too obvious but i did cut down everything actions. Maybe it's still obvious, which i cannot see it but people do. Or i do not message her so often i used to do? or she's avoiding me?
will things be complicated like last time? a friend of mine asked me a good question which is will i chase her like last time i did for my ex. I answer him, i wouldn't but it might be exactly the same amount of passion but will be in a different way from my ex. I'm still wander whether it's true, the feeling i found between me and her. It only happens when i dance with her. Only able to confirm it when we able to dance together again.
i registered for a talent competition and i decided to have a piano play. After things happened like this, i was wandering what song should i play. So far in my mind are apologize by one republic, grief and sorrow, flower dance and mr lawrence. it's a hard decision to make since every single song have their own meaning but it's just different level of deepness in it. So which one should i choose? for your info, i have this piano play just to train myself for the in coming performance, i want to train myself that i'm able to play in front of strangers, i want them to feel my music, my life and my feelings that i want to express.
~HPB
No comments:
Post a Comment