Promised not to disturb you or even look for you and i did it till now. nevertheless, all i did is that once, messaged you and apologized to you. I did not expect any reply from you since i am the one that ruined our friendship. I over did what i should not do and now i regret of what i did back there. "do what you want, dont regret" a great sentence which i applied it in a wrong way. what if that day, i did not act that way, everything would be just fine and maybe we are able to be good friends. I broke the line, i crossed the border line and you said, i have to accept the consequence what i did and i will accept it. I suffered these days but the blame is on me because i'm the one that ruined our friendship. I will bear this regret forever, a great lesson for me to remember.
I admit that i still care for you, asking some of my friends how have you been. I know it's none of my business anymore but i'm just me. It is normal for me to ask about a person which i care even not directly from the person, which is you, i will still ask news about you from others. I am glad to hear that you are happy as usual, enjoy your days in university with the same routine. it is great to hear that, you still active as usual or perhaps even better. It was great that you put a side this incident in the 'trash', one part of your brain which you categorize things which is not important. or maybe i'm wrong again for thinking you in that way. anyway you never did anything wrong, i'm the one that create those problems. I am a troublemaker, create troubles which does not even exist.
read your blog today, been days i did not go into your blog after that incident happened. Last time i will go into your blog every single day to read the same post again and again. I do not feel bored but just feel like re-read your posts just to know the deep meanings behind the post perhaps. Today, i read your blog and know what happen to you recently. To be exact, i do not know what happen to you recently, i stopped follow you up. So even i know anything about you, it was just the general information you posted in the network.
i was great to know that you were helping in an event which does not need any salary, what we called charity work. Great job, it would be great to help others in need, people would not forget your help. They will expect you the next event and you gave them a very good example. You missed someone, which is perhaps a person used to be very important to you and maybe even now. I do not know but that is just my theory, thinking too much again while i'm too 'free'. You said " sometimes sorry is useless ", yes, i cannot disagree what you said because it's truth because i used that sentence before too. Even your sister suggested you to give a slap straight in my face and i sincerely tell you, if that slap able to cheer you up, go a head, i do not mind. You might think that i'm just saying it here but think about it did i ever break my words? i never take back my words if that really so, so be it,anyway i should deserve it.
you can't forgive me and i know, who can forgive a person which did something so serious and it was so wrong. perhaps time is the only way for us to get back together again, like you said look at the time, see what the time will say. will it be one month? too short? three months? who knows? half of the year? one year? years? how long will it be i will wait patiently, till the day you forgive me and talk to me again. i thank you for taking care of my necklace this period. i miss the time we used to talk and message everyday but i'm the one that ruin the whole thing. I will miss you. i will accept the consequences and do what is necessary. I will be fine perhaps, i need time, a very long one. i'm the one that ruined our friendship so i would not be able to forgive myself too neither do you. time fades everything? i really hope that we can be friends again, talk like last time, everyday, anytime.... last but not least i wanted to let you know that you will always be the 5th one that i fall into and you're the only one that i'm so crazy enough to do that to show how much i really love you. Likewise, i wanted to apologize again what i did that day, i really do, from my bottom of my heart....sorry....i know whatever i speak right now is useless, it's trash. right now, let the time speaks
~HPB
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