failure

I asked her to close her eyes and her hands were busy holding the present i gave her. I give a go with a kiss and everything just not in order anymore. She stunned and shocked what i did to her, said "too over" and she turned and walked away. I wanted to explain but it seems situation is far worst, i never got the chances to talk to her anymore. I actually hurt her mentally and physically, i should not have done that but it was already done,it was too late and i feel regret now...

are you reading this? or perhaps not anymore, what i did to you, i can feel that it's very painful. I'm so sorry, even i apologize, i believe i cannot never be forgiven. Nevertheless, give me the chance to explain why right here; why do i kiss you fist at the first place because i want you to know how much i really love you and the courage i put on, the bet i put on. However i lost my bet, i lost everything. I hugged you but you ask me to let go and i did. I hugged you because i want you to calm down and give back what you used to lost. I wanted to confess to you but it was too late. I regret what i did, i should not have done that...

I'm just a friend of yours, like you very much, nothing else. I am nobody in your eyes actually. I messaged you, you seen but no reply so i just thought that you're busy. Try to think positively all the time. I tried few times then i started to notice what are you doing actually. You are avoiding me and right now i no longer have the rights to talk to you anymore nor see you till you forgive me but i think you will never forgive what i did back there. What i did back there, it was something very serious and i have to accept the consequences. I will let you go...i will never able to forgive myself what i did.

the present i prepared, i know you will not accept it after what i did to you but please do not give it back to me. I would not accept it back too then please throw it away. Just throw it away, what i prepared it was nothing anymore. Since i already screwed up the whole thing, that little box would not help a thing anymore. however, i hope that you will at least open it and see what was it inside. after that, it is up to you what will you do to it. right now all i care is can we be friends again? i would not put my hope on you anymore, just friends...but it's your right whether you want to be friends with me anymore. you can ignore me, you can hate me, you can do not forgive me...it's your choice. I will respect your decision. for now, i will vanish in front of you...you would not be happy seeing me so i know what should i do. I will stop looking for you, I will stop disturbing you. I do not have the rights to read your stuffs anymore. i will be a person which you never knew from the start. Unless you forgive me which is impossible i know but perhaps very long time, I will wait even its gonna be long or maybe forever. it's a very hard thing for me to do but I will endure..

thanks for everything.....everyone...
" regret is painful than the pain when a person heartbroken "
i just wish that i can fly back to the time and stop myself doing that.....
"we are not friends, we are just strangers with memories" i do not wish this happen but things are serious, i have no rights to speak nor choose

take your time, take all you need and i'm sorry what i did back there, my friend...

i red your blog, whatever i say right now is useless. I thank you for not slapping me on site, I will do what is necessary, i will accept what i need to do, the consequences and everything. I understand now but it's too late. Nevertheless please let me say this ,one last word i wanted to say my friend "sorry"

~HPB