struggle

Its been a while that i'm not writing anything here, its just too many things happened or perhaps........little things but complicated ones. Nevertheless, I believe there is only one which is the worst one which actually makes me feel very lost....i just don't know how to solve it. Oh gosh, what happen to me recently, i was lost and found but the track i'm walking right now is different from what i walked before. Besides, i never thought i will be writing here again, you can imagine that how frustrating i'm in right now.

currently, i'm fearing of something and normally things which i fear, i will be able to observe and solve it. However, THIS, what kind of feeling i'm having now? i know its fear but i don't know what i'm fearing at which makes me frustrated and keep on asking myself what is it. Its like you are stucked in a black looping dimension and there's nothing or a sign leads me. Perhaps, i will just swallow things up again or just ignore this feeling. I cannot figure what is it or maybe i do but i'm just too persistence on ignoring it. Its still early and i have no solid proof on that thus right now just let this fear follow me for a moment and see how things go.

i was going to message you that your blog is full of 'dust' but i checked this morning and realized that you updated it. As usual, its a habit of mine to on your blog at least once in a day or maybe i got a habit of reading everyone's blog each time i on mine or see is there any new song uploaded/updated in your blog. The guardian you mentioned there.....i cant say it was me since there's no solid proof of it but if it is me, all i can say is "thank you for trusting me and you will always have me behind your back". Guardian, i used to be a person's personal guardian until the day she migrated, about her....one word to describe "past". Promises, just remember what i promised you and what you promised me(if you remember), you have my words and you are free to come and find me whenever you want, i will always be there for you. Therefore, if you're happy, i will be happy so cheer alright.

i do admit that i will look upset or depress even you're happy but trust me, its not what you think it is,its something else bothering me. At first, it was what you thought which i will feel pain watching you two but that's something which i need to accept. As long you're happy i'm alright with it, at least i make it clean that it was not your fault that why these days i was upset. It was something else, something i mentioned above.....i'm still fearing and searching....

friends been asking me when will you take that necklace off......i would say, wait till the day i found a girl who is brave enough to take that necklace off my neck. Which is I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E hahaha honestly speaking, i do hope that.....i was thinking of taking off but not right now as i told my friends that i will not chase any girls if that necklace is still on, which there is a rumor spread in my university who my friends thought that i was chasing someone but that necklace save my explanation.

that necklace.......just too 'heavy' to let a person to take it off.....
if the person understands you, there's no need a single word comes from the mouth...

HPB