isolation split

i wonder should i put this post in this blog of mine or another, in the end i chose to post it here since i do not even care how people think of me anymore. People comes and goes; cannot accept me then stop acting, leave and i do not mind at all. I do not really know what happened to me but there's one thing i'm sure off is i'm not close to anyone anymore. I'm actually isolating from my friends or perhaps they are isolating me. Have this kind of mind set these days but maybe because i'm lost what i used to be in last semester.

I used to be a joker, love to mix around with others, make fun of others, a person which cannot sit still. I still fool around but i asked myself that what happened to me. i do not talk to my friends like i used to be, i do not join my friends like i used to be, i do not share my stuffs like i used to be, i do not sacrifices myself like i used to be. It's like there's a gab between me and them. Perhaps i changed back how i used to be, my old life. It's been told that "the person which is the noisiest, actually is the loneliest person among his/her friends". This reminds me of my old life, which i had a very lonely life when i was young, that's why i'm able to adapt to loneliness and darkness.

true enough that, i do not talk to my friends as often as before because i do not felt the friendship between us anymore. I do not feel that anymore, you guys gave me the feeling that i'm actually not in your world or someone which is just a pass by traveler. Like i said, i'm use to loneliness and this brings me to test my friends even till now. How you guys going to think about me, it's up to you all. I do it because i want to protect myself from being used, being cheated, being a stranger to you all. after the first semester, i actually able to see who are really my friends and who are not. there are friends that i care too much but what's the point if the person do not even appreciate it.

i have sensitive mind and able to sense things around me, i can felt things which people do not share. I like to observe and investigate but that's my old life and i stopped. I chose to ask rather then searching it by myself unless it is necessary. People has the right to not answer your questions and i respect that so i will only ask once and that's it. I used to ask the same question to the person till he/she got frustrated. I'm a person which think a lot and plan further apart from current situation. My brothers know me more than anyone i believe, they know what kind of person am i. So i do not blame on friends i have right now for not being able to understand or know me. I am a mysterious person if a person really want to know me, you can give a head and try, talk to me and slowly you might able to know what really a person am i. if you really understands me, i will take you as a real friend. I take friendship seriously,i social well with people but it does not mean that i'm making friends with them.

my mind right now just told me to turn back what i used to be in my secondary school life to protect myself, a cold and protective person. I will be a LALA boy. How you guys going to look on me, it's up to you all. friends that know me, ask yourself do you really know me, accept my close friends and brothers,they know my history and what kind of person i really am. think about it you might know my name but not me. My ways, my thoughts, my life, my personality, my habits, my will,my history, what i have been through, there are a lot of things you do not know about me. I will just be myself, accept or cant accept, your choices. I do not have the time to please any of you, i'm tired of this. I helped and i still do so to any of you whoever needs help, i will definitely be there even knowing that i will be betrayed or backstabed or used as tool, it's up to you all whether you appreciate it or not.

"split personality may not be two personalities in a person whether good or bad, it might refers to personality change after a person went through tough time in their life, just to protect themselves"

HPB